The feeling of me.

5 year old Connie. It’s hard to explain what I feel when I look at this photo. My mom made a photo collage for my 40th birthday and I’ve had this one sitting on my dresser ever since. I look at it each time I pass my dresser and it sits beside me while I create. Every time I look at it I feel the same thing. Something deep deep down.

I don’t have a lot of memories from this specific day other than the fact that I know I was in senior kindergarten and it was my birthday. And when it was your birthday in SK you got to take a picture by the birthday wall. I remember being very excited about this prospect. But other than that there aren’t a lot of memories surrounding it. So I wonder what it is about it that makes me feel so much. Maybe I remember on a subconscious level? Maybe I remember feeling seen that day. Or maybe I kept this picture close to me as a child as a fond memory.

Whatever it is, it’s special. It’s like when I look at it i’m brought back to what I felt like as a child. Feelings of infinite possibility, tremendous joy and just so much excitement for life.

And the more I look at it I realize that I’m starting to feel that same feeling when I’m not looking at the picture.

I’m realizing that feeling deep deep down…is not just the feeling of being a child, but it’s the feeling of being me. The truest version of me.